On Jeremy's 21st Birthday~!

Setting up the cake for da attack! oh tian, i'm so evil~!
After this cake attack on jeremy, i highly doubt i can escape on my birthday!! *cries!!*

hmm.. seems like "you-know-who" encountered a BGR problem eh? well, i do not dare to probe further nor do i dare to assume. seems like the guy had gotten the better of her. if it's as her msn nick says, i would say she is feeling what i felt months back... is that wad people mean by "what goes around, comes around?"

to be honest, i appear happy on the outside that she might be having a taste of her own medicine now cuz by right, in front of people, i am supposed to feel that way. but i actually felt kinda sad cuz ultimately, within me, i still have a little feelings for her. as in like, i want her to be happy u noe? she is so cheerful when we first started to really talk and all. always saying "cheerios" and all... i really wish to see her being that happy person again. i felt relieve when she found a new "baby" cuz she seems very happy. it stinged real bad on me back then when i realise it's so short after we fell out. but tats how life is rite?

when something is lost, something will be gained in return. when you learn to treasure what you have, you would tend to grab so tight that treasuring no longer seem like treasuring.

why do these always happen in a relationship? when someone cares, the other would not. is relationship really jus a game? to see who can hurt the other more? only people who can balance their relationship would have a blissful marriage?

is "wad r u doin?" means asking one to account for their actions? to report their status? ain't these jus words of concern? to show that there is someone who cares for u? when problem arises, is it really so hard to speak up? is it abt who is mature and who is not? who are we, humans, to judge each other on who is mature and who is not? is communication a gift or a curse?

with so much uncertainty, i become fearful of entering into another relationship. as much as i would like to share my life with someone special, it is hard for me to do something i've so much doubts of. this does not mean that i do not have the courage to do so. but thoughts of getting hurt over and over again is scarrier den any other nitemares.

argh.. sick sick sick.... i dont like to be sick! =(
ohmyTian!

anyway... recently playing Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core!! the part which is after "Before Crisis" & before "Advent Children"! Graphic is really UP there man.. BRYAN!! buy one PSP! haha.. i hope FF comes out more games for PSP! shiok!

apparently, Cloud is like the lousy character here who can barely make it into SOLDIER & the main character is Zack Fair! haha. very well versed in martial arts! he starts off in the game as a 2nd Class SOLDIER. his friend is Angeal, a 1st Class SOLDIER. There are another two very "gay" characters here. One, obviously is the prefect fightin' machine, sephiroth. the other is "Genesis"!

okay. enuff of that. hmm... i bought tou hua earlier on and now i'm here in office slacking abit.. haha.. ultimately, i've to get the work done and i've to wait for mom as well. so might as well do at a pace where we can both finish work at the same time. so tired! =( but a promise is a promise. i've to finish these single line drawings! with this Flu and sore throat, its almost impossible to work properly lar! aiden says this is like some kinda adjustment period.. something like trying to get use to the shift in my internal clock.. oh well...
X_X

Embrace your dreams & Keep your honour. - Angeal

how? nice? haha. it's been quite awile since i use MS Paint to draw something....

i'm still down with flu!! very tired.. i wanna sleep.. =(

jie forget to bring her hp today and suay suay i left mine at home. she ask if she can borrow. i feel so disconnected! hahaha.. hope no girls call my hp.. joking joking.. i doubt anybody will call. so doesnt really matter lar..

thks for translating my name into jap! you guys noe who you are! haha..

ン ティエン ウェン

anyway.. now i'm in my mom's new office. hmm.. kinda stuffy as expected... sweaty sweaty sweaty! anyway.. going to fetch uncle home soon.. zZz... sians...

now my mom's main concern is that my bro got his license so she come test test see wads my reaction. first thing she say.... now bro got license, both of us going to fight for the car already? so i told her, i will let the car to him! anyway.. i've stated my stand to my mom long ago. i do not need the car. i used to enjoy driving but now, driving becomes more of a chore and a very big responsibility! i've to always buy meals for grandma. i've to bring both grandmas to medical appts. i've to fetch uncle home everynite and even worse, i've to drive him down to the office when it's raining! i do not wish to go into the details anymore. so i'll leave it as that. =)
by the way, i'm not complaining but jus rather tired and very much restricted. tats all.

i've flu for the past 2days and still on going for today, the 3rd day! argh.. oh, rite now, it's 0352hrs. i'm already at home. seems like i couldn't finish blogging jus now. haha! i find that i could no longer have the "blog on daily basis" consistency anymore. well. haha. no one reads anyway. who would care abt someone blabbering away? haha.. i shall stop here and go rest. very tired. nites to whoever is weird enuff to read this blog... =) thks.

okay. i'm typing a long blog about my dream house. haha. so... yup. i'll post that up with im done with it! anyway... i noe that right now, it's suppose to be 260308 (WED). but...

250308 (TUE)

Interesting day. I woke up at 10plus thks to yuhui for the call! well, it's not a wake up call. but hell, it worked anyway.. so, who cares! hahas. thks! =) bought grandma to lunch after that and went to office. I did nothing much for the whole afternoon. went off to settle grandma & bro's dinner.

After that, i rush down to Tam PINEs mall to meet up with thomas, jeremy, gerwyn & eugene to watch HORTON! made it in time! *PHEW* hahas. Horton is a great animated movie! well, kinda silly but very fun to watch! tryin to absorb the CG & sound effects along with the storyline all together at the same time! so inspired everytime i watch one good animated movie!

After movie, sent jeremy home den went to drop eugene & had dinner with thomas n gerwyn. man, i kena one traffic offence tix AGAIN! it's frm cisco though. i wonder if its gonna be demerit points and/or fine.... please not let it be both!! =(( Weiling was right! i should be more cautious. i've lost track of how much i spent on traffic fines! Singapore is a FINE city indeed. because of irresponsible citizens like me, the govt have no choice right? haha! =P BUT i'll improve de. i know i will!

den after dinner, went back to office. fetch uncle home and went back to office again! work work work... 4am den go home. so i bathed and now i'm here! tomorrow 8, going back to work. so i guess... i shld not sleep today! haha. den i will go office to doze off.. =P as long as i get the job delivered, thats all i need to account to myself. =)

one last thing of the post today... (PURPOSELY TYPE IN RED & BLUE!)

why cant road users in singapore be more considerate? signal before u cut lanes or make a turn & KEEP WITHIN YOUR OWN FREAKING LANE! OH MY TIAN!! WHY? NOBODY TEACH YOU HOW TO QUEUE UP ARH? OR YOU BUY UR LICENSE SOMEWHERE? and please speed up when it is necessary! i'm not asking you to travel at 90km/h BUT can you all not go at 25km/h? my grandma can freaking run faster den your freaking car! *FAINT*

why cant i be honest with myself?

why am i not be able to face my own feelings?

what am i suppose to feel in the first place?

what am i seeking?

am i greedy for what i ask for?

what am i asking for in the first place?

why do i not dare answer the questions i ask myself?

is the book i bought, not enough to help me up back on my feet? i guess it's cause i read the book that made me think of those questions above. i feel like i need a soul mate. feelin' empty once again...

i have to find my guts back! i have to force my courage out! i need discipline to be a being of peace! there are many types of great people out there. people whose greatness become an aura that affects people around them without many noticing. i know myself, ever since I'm a little boy, i would always think about things in life. from very mindless silly thoughts to why people react to things differently and many many more. i could say that my mind is ever since, very messy and lacks a bit of organising.

i wish and I'm trying hard to find my source of peace. to harness that source and be the peace I could only dream of being. right now, i can sense the source nearby but i can't seem to move forth!

Dr Wayne Dyer says:
imagine a container deep within yourself out of which all your thoughts flow. Inside of this container, at its very center, imagine a candle flame. You need to make a commitment that this flame in the center of the container holding all of your thoughts will never, ever even flicker, although the very worst may go before you. This is your container of peace, and only peaceful thoughts can fuel the burning candle. You don't need to change your thoughts as much as you need to learn to be an energy of peace lighting the way and attracting serene, harmonious thoughts and beings. In this way, you'll become a being of peace.

recently I've very weird dreams. rather interesting.
I've been dreaming of a certain someone...
well. i hope i can understand my subconscious self more!
I knew very well that she left me
and I've no longer habour any hopes
why do I still have scenes of her in my dreams?
haha. interesting...

anyway, chinese people have a saying...
Ji Lai Zhi... Zhe An Zhi...
something like, take things as it is... go with the flow...

so i shall heed the advise and not be bothered by the dreams. accept the fact that i'm dreaming of her and slowly but surely, she'll leave my dreams. =)

i am a dreamer but when i wake,
you can't break my spirit
it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be.
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smiled
I've watched you sleepin for awhile.

Happy as i can be
When i wanna be
as long as i decides to be...

hmmm. 220308.

feeling totally unwell! i thot i can recover within a day. end up this irritating nose & throat... argh.. =(

anyway..

Grandma again, always want to discharge. i understand that no one would like to stay in the hospital. well, i would rather that she stay a little longer to make sure everything is alright b4 she is discharged. so she won't need to go back anytime soon. taking good use of these few days to cool down and get my patience back. musn't be imbalance and get pissed with every little things anymore. this will build very bad karma!

JEremy's bday party!

haha. after doing something very evil to him, i'm even more sure i do not want a 21st birthday party! basically, i did what i always do to everyone i can get my hands on. i force the cake onto their face! =X cake facial! haha. dont worry guys, i'm jus kidding about not having a 21st celebration. i will play along and let u guys have a piece of me ;) thats the fun thing about cakes right? hahas.. =P

Brudder! no hard feelings okay? haha. hope u like the fountain pen! hope it'll serve u well! =))

Sokyee, sorry ar... today finally complete ur brithday prezzie.. hhaha.. trying to send it out asap now!

Good Friday!

Teckleong's birthday today... haha.

happy birthday today you!

are you borned in the zoo?

u smell like a monkey.......

do u act like one too?

hahas. =P

Lim papa is a very special friend in my life! Along with my group of mshsjab buddies, they're my 2nd family. Often when i'm in doubt of which path i should take, he is one to turn to. he taught me alot of things from working and dealing with others to helping and caring for peers and juniors. He often offer advises and important views that we often overlook. though his way of leadership sometimes give us headaches but i guess we cant deny the fact tat we did grow a fair bit while under his leadership! thanks TL!

Well. enough of getting officially pissed off...

@ abt 0300hrs, i walk home from the office, i figured that i need a slow walk to calm myself. dad stop by on the way but i rejected his offer to drive me home. i was thinking at that time that i've legs, i can walk. couldn't you guys understand i need some time to myself? leave me alone for that while alrite? i felt a need to find back the source of my inner peace.

@ abt 0325hrs, i reach home and stop at the lift. i hesitated and decided to have a lollipop and enjoy the cooling breeze. i realise there are so many bats at nite & i remember the times she sat at the bench and waited for me to get ready. nostalgic moment. i smiled to myself.

@ abt 0358 hrs, i came home and had a deep breath of the air at my home. indeed my grandma had another terrible night. i took off my SBO items (Standard Bring Out) & headed to the room wanting to light the white rose aroma therapy thing for the house. i was very shock when i saw ah ma hugging onto my table. i switch on the light and ask wad happen. she is sweating so profusely! her voice trembles so much. i tried to help her onto the bed but she couldn't move her right leg. i called my house using my hand phone to wake my mom. she got hold of her and i bring the chair in. we help her onto the chair. called 995. after routine check up, they brought her along with my mom to TTSH A&E. i drove ody down. i thot they would've reach first so i travel avg 100km/h. top 120 ~ 130km/h to TTSH. end up, they arrive 5mins after i did.

the whole saga ended around 0510hrs. grandma, as expected by my mom, hospitalized. mom arrange to put her in C class ward. reason being that this stay might drag. so an "open" 6bed Ward for grandma. well, after thinking abt it for awhile, it'll be better for her i guess. grandma likes to be around people. i'm always so afraid of her getting depression yet i cant deny the fact that i'm gettin easily agitated recently.

@ abt 0630hrs, i've decided not to sleep today.

because of my negligence, i've brought her harm. i've failed as a grandson because i never take care of her properly. i'm the one who suggested that she stay at our home so we could take care of her everyday. yet i become so impatient with her. i'm such an idiot.

I take this chance to sincerely thank SGT Jonathan & his team from "213". i heard from him that despite being on leave, he return to his station for duty. very commendable display of duty first before pleasure. reminds me of my NS days. YES, i did make noise but well.. call of duty, wad to do? SGT Jonathan, keep up the good work! thanks on behalf of my grandma.

I AM

OFFICIALLY

FUCKING

PISSED OFF!

Konichiwa mina-san.

recently started to read a book "Being in Balance" by Dr Wayne W. Dyer. People who know me well enough, should know that the last time i read a proper book is......... wait a minute... I can't remember when is the last time! oh well. this book is great! first two chaps and I'm in love with the contents!

Anyway...
Today i saw a horrifying photo. why do youngsters still seek physical pain to lessen their mental sufferings? imprinting bar codes on their own arm using penknife! is that really necessary? does the mental pain really go away? or do you wish for the person who cause you that suffering to notice how you're tormenting yourself?

Back to the book.

Chapter I - An Infinity of Forests Lies Dormant Within the Dreams of One Acorn (Balancing Your Dreams with Your Habits)

you guys must be tink i'll type everything out from the book!?! wait long long... haha.. Go buy the book cuz i feel it's worth the money! ;) okay.. here goes....

"The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird sleeps in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul, a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities..." - James Allen

"True imagination is not fanciful daydreaming; it is fire from heaven." - Ernest Holmes

I learnt from this chapter that. A lot of us are living on a imbalanced scale. The dead weight that is always tipping the scale off, like two boys on a see-saw, one obese child and another skinny child. This is pretty obvious that the obese child will be the one holding the see-saw down. this obese child is rep by our daily behaviour, everything that we do which fills up our lives. This do not mean that what we do in our daily lives are bad . This imbalance exist because the life style do not suit our particular lives as we often wish ourselves to be. When this happens, it's wrong! Living life by going through motions, it's easy and comfortable for most of us because we're used to that BUT! Do we get much satisfaction out of all these? When we feel the dissatisfaction from these motions, it creates the imbalance in the only life we have.

Our mental energy attracts what we think about. If we think of frustrations, more frustrating matters will arise. If we think that there's nothing that can be done, our lives are beyond our control, we've no choices left to choose, this is what we'll attract - which is resistance to your highest desires! Every negative thoughts we have, is the same as buying a ticket for more negative thoughts.

Never tell yourself that you can't balance your life because you do not have the right tools. Carve this into your heart that "only you and you alone are responsible for the imbalance. restore the balance with your own mind because that is all the tools you will ever need!"

well, there are more in depth and inspirational things in this chapter that will make your mind think in a way you'll never picture yourself think before. I can't possibly say everything because you all have to read it by yourselves to have your own interpretation of Dr Wayne's teachings. so i shall stop here for now! have fun! be happy! =)

To LinQian,
The content of my post few days back is not directly aiming at you. Please try to read it with a open mind. Thank you.

To all others (esp aiden, jeremy & sokyee),
I've truly let go of my past with LQ. I no longer see a need to habour hopes for her (no offence =P) I know that myself because I've decided. I will account to myself for my actions & decisions. I'm a happy man because I found a treasure. =)

below are some photos i've dug out of my handphone! enjoy.. =)

aww... wads with that -_- face? haha. my PSP not fun ar?

a parcel i receive today! 170308
from a very, very special girl in my life...
(lol. my platonic female friend. dont anyhow think)

a post card with scribbles on it!And........ the chocolate!

She wrote "Too sweet and sinful to me... hehe. So I'm throwing the fats to you!! Wahahaha."

INTERESTING! haha. jus went to my ex's blog out of the sudden.. this "your NAME" character was asking wad happen to the previous guy.. HAHAHA! interesting indeed.. i'm always curious who these people are.. guy? girl? her previous bfs? or some girl who really dislikes her? so so so curious! lol.. interesting....

anyway...

Sunday... boring. boring boring boring! jus now i was chasing after a roach. nowhere to be found now. that is very scary. not that i'm afraid of roaches. jus feel very uncomfortable because wads gonna happen if it appears while i was sleeping? wait a minute... do i even sleep in the first place? haha. oh well. today, i only had a packet of hokkien mee today. cuz grandma made me move so much today. else i wouldn't even wan to eat anything!

i'm running out of patience with her. i do not know what i should do anymore! breaking down.. it seems i do need someone to rely on once in a while.. sigh..

*even among so many friends, i would often feel so lonely within.*

Who is the one who will be able to understand me?

Who is the one who will be able to stick through thick & thin?

i know of one's blog whose tag board is constantly attacked by unkown netizens. i do agree that people who never leaves his/her name is a coward & a loser. I feel that it is a basic courtesy to offer your name to the intended party before anything and everything. BUT... den again.. wad causes this to happen? leaving a fake name & contents that is meant to attack the person verbally?

i remember when i was still in service for the SAF, i said before. 1 person say that the whole unit fucked up, the unit MIGHT be fucked up. if whole unit say that THAT particular person is fucked up. who is the real "fucked up" one here? the 1 person? or the whole unit?

So, in this case, is the person whose been tagged, the one to be blamed? or the tagger who tagged the tag board to be blamed? once agian. i'm not a judge. nvr was, nvr will.. haha. jus my few cents worth of comments. Though it's nvr asked for. but well.. who cares? haha.

Facts are cold and hard.

Accept who you are and everything around. Be an observer for a change. you'll never know what you can learn. =)

all of a sudden, i dont feel so good...

physically & mentally.

Rurouni Kenshin: Meiji Swordsman Romantic Story (るろうに剣心 明治剣客浪漫譚)

Himura Kenshin (緋村 剣心), formerly known as "Hitokiri Battōsai" (人斬り抜刀斎).

Weapon of choice: sakabatō (逆刃刀) a.k.a. Reverse-blade Sword.

Practitioner of the Hiten Mitsurugi-Ryū (飛天御剣流), who has also mastered the battōjutsu (抜刀術) technique of drawing a sword.

Note to Readers: there are links on all Japanese words to wikipedia for a more indept descriptions to this amazingly good anime! =) enjoy...

suddenly... everything feels so weird..........
where are the usual clicks???
i feel so lost!! so empty.. even more empty den before!

suppose to have dream weaver course today.
Eunice called and said it's cancelled.
i was lucky enough that i only went out halfway!
w/o sleeping for the whole night,
i drove with a half conscious mind...
I won't say i'm dangerous because i'm aware of what i'm doing.
just very floaty & sluggish...
anyway... i went to get breakfast for grandma & myself.
i feel very bloated so, i've no idea why i buy for myself.
i went to office straight after that & gave the noodles to mom.
she ate half and shove the other half to me...
wad to do? LL lor.. slowly eat lor..
Time in the office past by very slowly.. maybe cuz not enuff slp ar.
its a torture to try and stay awake!
ultimately, i lost to the sandman & close my eyes for 5mins..
den woken up by aunt. she's like saying "u still got time to slp ar?"
wah sian... zZz...

Mom proposed that she give me salary & a table. work for her upstairs, 2nd level of the shop house. my reply.... anything lor. no money already, anything oso can wad. wad to do? (inside, i'm tinking.. it's about time u said that rite? GOSH!)

anyway. nothing nice to blog abt liao. i tink tml oso nth to talk abt.. boring weekend...

chih chuan call me go supper. tou hua. shiok. tata...

I WANT TO FEEL GOOD!

I want to feel good!

"My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then becomes a lie. I don't think that Jesus was teaching Christianity, Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be Christian, be Christ like. Don't be Buddhist, be Buddha like."

"Religion is orthodoxy, rules and historical scriptures maintained by people over long periods of time. Generally people are raised to obey the customs and practices of that religion without question. These are customs and expectations from outside the person and do not fit my definition of spiritual. - Dr Wayne W. Dyer.

I was watching Ellen on Ch5 yesterday when she had this guest up on her show, Dr Wayne. The things he said on Ellen's show, made me pretty interested in the books he wrote. It's the first time, I actually had an urge to read a book. =)

depressing night...

all I've to blame is my undisciplined self!

seriously, what am I doing nowadays?

arh~ cruel reality!

why is there so much ordeal for me?

well, everyone must be thinking the same thing as well right? why do i have to go through this ordeal? why must i suffer so much? why this why that.. then the next thing i will say is..... "well, that's life right?" very typical of me. predictable! get out of the box i tell myself? i wonder...

getting out of the box, into a circle? another barrier? or getting out of the box, in the nothingness? a formless world of imagination?

i need to go back to the very beginning to find myself back.

i remember myself when I'm still a kid with A4 size papers & a bunch of crayons. i would draw my ambitions out when I'm suppose to be doing my homework. drawing policeman, aeroplanes, spaceships, etc... the most vivid image is a scientist with some kind of machine. a chicken going in from one side, egg coming out from the other. When i grew older, i realise that my real ambition and my passion belongs to drawing.

why i like Arts?

It is boundless. Art knows no boundaries. Art has no barriers. like a smile, it's an international language. i can express myself with no restrictions. create from nothingness. Enjoy the process of shaping contours and putting colours together. The ever changing transforming ability. As i go on, i realise i could bring joy to people with my work. I've got to have a feel of a new level of self-satisfaction.

Then, went into NS, for 2yrs, I've truly wasted my youth on my academic life. I stop drawing & I failed to upgrade myself. I'd learnt lessons in life that would be useful in assisting me to handle people but, these aren't enough! Picking up from where I left off is indeed a very difficult path. I wish I could escape!

Hahas. today i had a very fun conversation with sokting... goes like this:

st: i am going to suffer when sch reopen. mass pe=army! haha! u would have enjoy it lots! i am sure!

Me: Haha. Mass pe!! Can c many pretty little girls!! Wear fbt some more!! Shiok!! ^_^ haha. I like! Lol. =P

st: u got a weird meaning of fun! seriously. u sound like a perv! eeee, fatty is a perv! omg, i don talk to u! mum say not to talk to ppl like u! :p

lol! i find the last msg damn cute lar! haha.. like from an anime likedat.. kawaii neh!! hahas!

actually, today oso nothing special lar. apart from raining like the pipes in heaven have major leakage... i went down to the office today but didnt do anything much oso. cuz mom didnt leave any work to do.. of cuz it'll be more comfortable to do nothing at home but i felt better doing nothing in the office. haha. maybe cuz a change in environment for nothing better to do? =S hahas. wanted to go gym, end up didnt go.

If grandma's eye is not okay by later in the morning, i would have to bring her to A&E... sad! cuz as usual.... it's me again.. to bring her to see doctor.... kinda use to it i guess.. this is the time where i would usually be glad i bought a PSP.. haha. well.... very sians.. haha.

oh ya. i've more or less decided that Xander would be my english name. unique, sounds good & it's got a motivating meaning behind the name. If anyone got any nicer ones, feel free to tell me ya! =)

konichiwa! watashi wa Xander das... yoroshiku! =))

wahaha.. as u can see.. my play list is expanding! lol.

sorry for the random-ness in the genre department.

hmmm. i dont exactly noe wad to blog today.

i guess i shall leave it short on tis post!

afterall, i make it a point to myself to blog on daily basis!

hmmm...

Nothing of me is original,

I am the product of everything

and everyone around me.

things that comes to my mind.... let's see..

i came to this world with a mind, pure and empty.

like a clean sheet of paper & like a dry sponge.

i absorb knowledge and analysis different personalities.

from a form of nothingness, i evolve.

constantly learning and making mistakes.

I am the product of everything and everyone around me.

i am a copy of everything in my daily life.

thus, a new me is forming in every unique day.

in a my own unique style,

i'm a copy of everything and everyone around me.

Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans, Jeeeeeaaaaans...

Boots with the fur... With the fuuuuurrrr..........

The whole club was lookin at her..

low low low low low low loooooooowwwwwwww...........

HAHA! Aiden... i'm here to haunt you! gwwwaaaaarh~!!

=P

Okay. haha. today... TIRED!

bring grandma go TTSH AGAIN!!!

ALONE..... so hard to take care of her and look out for queue no...

come home... very tired but cant slp! end up, walk to 7-11..

buy loads of tibits! wah.. before i knew what i did.....

i finish 2 packets! =( DA PIAN!!!

well.. haha. aiden came, we go gym... i cant do much.

too tired! i keep yawning.. keep keep yawning man..

after that, go grab gerwyn and went to Sr Gardens..

wah! machiam fiesta! chicken wings, satays, poh piah, etc..!

As usual, I'm a "shui tong".. drink super big sugarcane...

gerwyn says eugene is "ma tong".. haha!

den he says that the sugar cane comes frm the houses behind

it appears tat the house behind got grow some kind of tree..

zZz.... lame! den we talk alot of cock! haha. so happy =)

Sokyee gave me a few lines of words.

i'm suppose to come out with something to rep that.

"Nothing of me is original, I am the product of everything and everyone around me."

*thinking hard!!*

hmm.. changed to one of naruto's songs...

i like this song a little more compared to others.

Yesterday, i feel that i shld stand up to my fears & issues. to tell the truth, i've been blocking my ex on msn & even create a group just for her called, "pple who i do not wish to see". haha. seems that it's a very stupid thing to do right? well. thats oso one way of saying that "love makes pple do silly stuff"... I've unblocked her but i've not remove her frm the group yet.. this is progressive training. hahas =P

last time, when i see her online, my mind would go nuts and start thinking n thinking. now, after i've decided that my friends are right about her. I don't exactly feel much anymore. I mean.. wad for care for someone who jus couldn't care anymore rite? pointless. i'm not exactly sure if she does have a boyfriend now but it seems like it.. so i shall assume that she has one. i hope she don't hurt him too much!! =X haha. i mean. gettin a new one when it's been only near 2mths or so ago.. haha.. but well. different pple got different needs and desires.. i'm nobody to judge her yup.. =)

frm my 1st to her, my 2nd. it took me near 3yrs... now the aftermath of a spoilt relationship is deeply carved in my mind. haha. it'll definitely take much more to overcome this scary scar. which is good i guess... won't spend much money & dont needa refrain myself frm speakin too often with other girls who i find, are much more cuter and sweeter den her.. lol.

When i go into a relationship, unknowingly, i refrain myself from talkin with other girls. almost near Zero. cuz i dont like to have too much misunderstandings because i dont like to explain alot because explaining is troublesome. so to prevent all these, i would rather not interact with girls too much.. but that doesnt mean i will purposely hide traces of me interacting with other girls. i will tell my other half even if she dont feel the need to. and of cuz, i dont see the need to hide my other half as well.. unless my other half wans to be hidden for certain purpose.

ultimately, its down to the feeling of security she is able to give me. cuz, it's no longer jus about guys givin sense of security anymore.. guys need securities from girls as well! how would u feel if u're been hidden away by ur other half? i would be thinking if she wans other guys to tink she is single? i would be thinking if i'm too shameful to be shown?

To me.. Love is like a key to the car which is like a relationship. using the key, u ignite the engine, the core of the relationship. maintaining the car will need to be shared by both parties from then on. When the engine faces problem, the driver needs to fix it up. but before that, the car needs to tell the driver by indicating on the panel. the driver of cuz, needs to be observant enuff as well, to notice problems with the car. i hope i could find the one for me in my lifetime.

i came online, without a topic to blog abt. end up, i saw her online and tada! hahas. sorry for being long winded. jus blogged wad was on my mind.

as my blog add says.... little thots in my mind =)

shiok... internet is back! haha
though it's not the first time encountering this..
BUT! i so hate to be disconnected from the cyber world!
WELL! however, everything is back to norm again!
so it's fine after all... =))

i wonder if thomas is still pissed with me.. =(
it kinda suck to have my buddy gettin pissed with me.

justin msged me at 12 sayin tat 1pm is the cooking competition for his "supposed" to be camp.. because of Mr Mas Selamat... teachers cancelled the camp. meaning that he can only conduct training for the day. no one is to stay overnight in school... oh well. i didn't go down... no mood to.

right now, feeling damn bored! actually, since this morning to be exact. i watch anime on crunchyroll again. and fell aslp and woke up and fell aslp and woke up and fell aslp and woke up once again. totally feel like a boring old man.. i tink i'm turning into an "otaku".. haha!! hell. who cares..

another saturday.... wasted.......... unproductive.. meaningless.. useless.. tat sums it all up! =))

wah! sad. internet down at home.. now at mom's office. haha.

hmmm.. terrorist.... who are we to say that what they're doing is wrong? true, they take innocent lives.. but.. is there a law in nature that says humans cannot take another human life? terrorist are indeed terrifying to us but i personally feel that we should at times think from others' shoes. why are they doing these? do they have something to prove? have they proven something when they did the 911 incident? well, I'm a nobody. i know by right, i shouldn't be saying anything about all these "BIG" issues.. but ain't these world, ever since the day before humans start to evolve, already became a survival of the fittest world? from one war to another... even companies buying over companies. to see who is the strongest. to see who can survive the longest. to prove they've not live their lives in vain. to hold what they believe, closely to their heart and do what is necessary to uphold that faith they've in their heart.

humans are amazing because apart from being stupid despite their large brains.. when they're being pushed so hard, anything will be easy to do. surviving on urine in collasped building after an earthquake. working up to 5 jobs a day to have porridge on their table everyday. giving up their own life for when their close ones are in the face of death. even if their forced into killing people for a cause they believed in.

people must be saying that I'm not a victim of any terrorist attacks nor did anyone close to me did. so it's only natural that i could sprout out these stupid words. All I'm trying to say is that, why can't everyone stop what their doing for a few minutes and seriously think about how we could prevent these? The way that we humans have been acting are far worse than savage beasts in the wild! To make things worse, we're beasts with a large brain. Mother earth made a mistake in entrusting humans with the ability to think and the ability to talk.

i would like to apologise to thomas...

very sorry to thomas!! i swear upon my balls that i seriously have no idea u msged me. my phone really wasn't with me. yes, i know... den wad for i get a hp right? but if i knew that at the time was near 3pm, i would've hold on to my hp le. argh... hais...... i don't really know wad else to say le. so sorry... please accept my apology!! =((

today... everything seems wrong.
rough day. totally ain't smooth at all.
even running oso CMI.
not sure how to regain that mental discipline back!
=(

hmmm.
thks shermin for reminding me to call TTSH.
appointment change to next monday. hais.
(well. i guess tis is the only thing that went right)
so, i shld be content. =)
den pig msg me "randomly".. =S
cheered me up quite a bit... thks =)

Lastly, thks aiden. it's always great to chat with you lar.

though the topics we usually chat about

are somewhat repeated. den again, it's great even if it's repeated.

oh yea... i always wondered.. no offence girls! but... isit suppose to be a trend among some girls to make weird hairdos and wear dress that totally misfits them along with make up as thick as Great Wall of China to prom nites??? enlighten me please!

Presenting....

Mitsuoka Orochi (大蛇)

Engine Model: Toyota 3MZ-FE
Engine Type: V6
Ignition: Electronic Direct
Displacement: 3311cc / 3.3L
Compression ratio: 10.8
Horsepower @ rpm: 233 @ 5600
Torque N.m [kg.m] @ rpm: 328（33.4）@ 4,400
Fuel system: Toyota EFI
Fuel tank capacity / litres: 60

Likes:

This V6 is fairly powerful as well. Reasonable amount of "horses" packed in.. 60litre is good enough as well. I love the design of this piece of art. The name has a nice ring to it! As the name goes, this is one hell of a slick serpent!

Dislikes:

The fact that it's engine is Toyota. My preference of more common cars (up till now), in most to least order: Mitsubishi, Honda, Sabaru, Mazda, Nissan, Toyota, Suzuki.

zq was saying that if i buy this car, he'll tell Evan that it is batman car... i say 8yrs later.. hahahas. talking cock right? =P

2nd day. level 2 of Dreamweaver 8.

leveling up, 1 level per day.. lols!

this is hell worse than maplestory!

anyway...

Morning was a little crazy. slpt at 0500hrs.

woken up at ard 0845hrs by sis.

wash up, change up, pack up.

thks to sis, i realised that

tiong actually got a park & ride carpark!

$3 for wholeday parking! behind beside GESS.

better den parking in the plaza!

So, went to pick up mom.....

send sis to kallang bahru for her training.

den went to tiong, park the car with mom.

mom left to take a cab to Camden for meeting.

i walked quite a distance to reach tiong though..

Lunch... skipped and went to buy coupon for ody.

when i was tearing the coupon,

i realise i made a mistake in the morning...

instead of 12PM, i tore 11PM! hahas. wasted $1. =(

went back to tiong, bought a tiny mosburger to class.

not filling but wont die of hunger. haha. dieting...

After class, went to get my blade back.

still as good as i last seen it. thks =)

felt jittery. drove off with "kick down".

drove quite dangerously at first.

when i say "dangerously", trust me, i scared myself.

u can ask thomas abt my "safety distance"

calm down & felt better.

before i knew it, i miss my exit.

came out at braddell instead.

well, since i'm in the area,

i went to have my dinner with shermin..

very chatty as usual! =)

so sorry i was stoning away 95% of the time.

today... crazily bored day...
went to tiong bahru for Dreamweaver course - level 1.
level 2 & 3 on Tuesday & Wednesday, respectively.
T-T

okays. woke up early but went back to sleep. =X
but woke up jus in time to leave house at 0930hrs
(which is the time, the course start) =P
luckily, manage to catch up with the class though..
basically the class is moving very slowly, SO.......
i had time to watch 2 & a half anime on crunchyroll!
even chatted on msn! hahas..
met PQ for dinner after that. Eat so fast for wad?
some more, nvr eat veggie.. so unhealthy lor....

Wanting to DIE is being negative? To LIVE on will make people more negative won't it? It's hard to take a LEAP to commit a suicide. It's harder to take STEP to live on...

Hmmm...

People always ask this Qn. "If life is as precious as most people see, where are people still taking lifes of others?" sounds very familiar? I feel that it's all down to the things that are important to people. Something that you could risk your life to protect. Maybe a person... Maybe a worthless piece of item... May even be a faith or believe that he/she holds.

To protect the very thing you cherish dearly, sacrifices must be done.

As my fren, tweif says... To give up what I can't keep. For something I can't lose.

(sorry for using this phrase w/o permission! hope u won't mind. =))

this post is about that night while i drove aiden home ard 2am..

we had a great chat.. as usual about wad we usually chat when we're together..

sounds gay =P

anyway, i'm not trying to defend her in any ways but i guess thats how people are bah. i mean... growing up in a protective environment, people tend to have a thot in mind that, yes, i'll be taken care of. so i don't really need to be bothered much about stuff. study is all i need to concentrate and as well as have fun. other vexing stuff, i'll leave it to others to solve. i shall not think so much about what will happen and all.

alot of you said that she really is not worthy enough for me. but as much as i wish i could agree with you guys, i won't pass judgement because i feel that me, myself is not mature enough nor am i outstanding enough to judge her and her actions. i really do have a part to play in whats happened in the end. it'll be a hard lesson for me.

sure, she moved on. i've moved on too. but memories in my mind are not like data in memory cards or HDD.. i can't format them as and when i wish.. i still miss her a little. but as day goes by, little by little, she'll definitely fade away..

afterall, i'm human. i err, i've sins. talking is easy but i dont intend to be all talk & no action. =)

sunday sunday sunday... boring. nothing worth blogging about.

suppose to bring grandma to woodlands to see my "da gu" but...

dont feel very good today. so, didnt drive all the way north.

hmmm..

Chatted with a pig. very silly conversation! haha. kinda crappy and kinda fun.. lols. i'm seriously fat lar. and you're not stupid.. hhhhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaaa... btw, after u left for your piano lesson, u nvr return!! lol..

Chatted with dorcia as well.. she says plenty more fishes in the sea. i said i've no faith in the fishes. she said her fish have not swam by yet. i said my heart now, is too fragile for another blow. she said i shld tape it up so after another blow, my heart will still be intact.. hahas..

Is it really worth the risk of another heart break? yea i know i wont know unless i give it a shot. but won't it be too late if my heart really shatters into dust? i rmb bryan saying that he is worried i might really turn full fledge gay.. he said this happened before... why are girls so harsh with guys? we look sturdy and most might be able to withstand physical blows, doesnt mean we're emotionally strong against the girls we fell for... is this so hard to understand?

haha. well. to me, life is always about "depending on situation"... there are many rules and big ideas in life that are created by humans all the way since our ability to communicate evolved. not all can be applied on any kind of situations. i won't know till i try out design as a career. i've nothing to lose. but when it comes to wad i'd mentioned above, i've my heart to lose. i can no longer jus bring myself to let loose and open up to another relationship. u may call me a coward.. i dont really care... =)

Wah! tired tired tired!! wake up so early to bring both grandmas to polyclinic! hmmm.

interestingly enough, while collecting medicine, both my grandmas' names are called out at the same time.

pharmacist A: heng kim hong

tw: here, yes?

Pharmacist B: tan siew keam

-tw looks left, right den back to left-

tw: arh.... ya?

-pharmacist A walks over to pharmacist B-

Pharmacist A: heng kim hong?

tw: errrrr........... yaaaar~?

Pharmacist A: oh, both your grandma?

-Pharmacist B gives stun face-

@ tat moment, i was thinking... so now, i'm a freak cuz i bring both grandma to polyclinic together?

tw: ya, both my grandmas.

Pharmacist A: oh okay, later you come back take.

Pharmacist B: yup, later you come back.

-my turn to give stun face!-

(so i lag awhile... erm, like... shldn't i be taking one by one? why are the both of you telling me to come back later?)

after that, went to office to help mom.

came home after that & wait for aiden.

went for a HALF AN HOUR gym session.

came home wash up, go to youth park at cine.

they got PD there. so go have some fun! haha.

got quite a few cute and pretty girls there!

DROOLS~! =P

gerwyn was eyeing but of cuz, nvr took any action.

after that, took cab home with aiden.

took van to send aiden home.

now i am here, blogging....

nothing much tomorrow! i guess i'll "death note" all the way till dawn bah...

i'm a bad bad boy... but who cares? none.