13th Jan 2008, SUN.

Post start : 1156hrs

Fresh brand new day. Hoping to get a PSP Slim at a reasonable price (or cheaper!!) i need a sort of distraction for myself right now. later meeting up wif gerwyn in about 45mins time & on to meet eugene @ AMK Hub. i wanna put in bomberman! cuz she likes the game.

i'm nt sure wad happen to me last nite. maybe cuz its the alcohol that made me do crazy stuff. the special blog for her, i've decided to stop bloggin there. i'm not very sure why i kept hanging on to her when she doesn't wan to be held on to. the happy days that we had were extreme and the bad days that were extremely demoralising. i had a part to play in this whole mess.

i wanted to ask if she'd regretted being with me. but i know the answer myself.
it kicks off with a pinch of care & concern that evolves into love. with this bit of love, it manifested into inifinite self sacrifices, selfless love, understanding & always wanting her to be happy. time goes by, the grip became tighter & i start to strangle her with all my might. i jus read her blog posts from b4. i misunderstood her, tinking she delete every single posts there are about us. now i noe she hid them well & i can see she doesnt wan to tinking about them when she goes to her blog. it is tiring & exhuasting. for the both of us. she now is happily enjoying all her friends' company, be it guy or gal. this type of freedom that she enjoyed.

i almost cried out last nite

cuz i finally understand why she insist to go with her plan. it comes clear to me that the future is unpredictable. if i try hard enuff, we may be together again. in her different stage of life, closer to mine. i'm foolish to tink so much. months back, she said she might not always be with me but her heart is always here. i'm such an asshole.

If i could turn back time to start over, i would have made sure i did not hurt her. but if i could turn back time, pple would have strike 4D every week. so i'll heed her advise and not dwell in the past no more.


i really feel lighter now. i know i can touch her heart once, i can do it again. hopes for salvation? with the right timing and right moves. parts of me are still waiting for u. the parts are my mind and soul. tinking of u only twice every 24hrs, Day & Night. i dreamt of you once again last nite.